It just hit me, as I was folding clothes listening to deep sea exploration coming from the living room. Today, is the last day of normal.
Friday we leave for the cabin, home on Monday with dad here and than on Tuesday my life changes. Forever.
He’s going to be gone.
For the first time in five years, my constant companion will not be spending every day with me. Sure there were breaks, but nothing like this.
As my oldest enters Kindergarten,its not relief, or sadness over his growing up. Its regret. Regret for lost playtime, and learning. Doubts that I could have done a better job, that I really didn’t give him my full attention. They are there. Rearing their ugly heads, Truth.
Its all been said before about raising kids and seeing them go off to school. But you have to wonder, how much attention and love to lavish on a child? I love my children with all my heart, but I am also of the mindset that my children need to entertain themselves. I step in occassionally with suggestions, props, or maybe a vehicle to take the play elsewhere. But is it enough? Right now I am morning the loss of time I no longer have, watching him. Observing from the outside. I will hear about it, but its so , so different, from being right there in the room listening to it. I am mourning the books I have turned down reading because I had to fold laundry, clean out the dishwasher ect, ect. The play time I didn’t participate in because I wanted to draw, or had to vacuum. I keep trying to tell myself that life has to happen to, these things also need to happen. But still it hurts.
So today on my last day of normal, I am writting a blog post to document this, folding some laundry, drinking a cup of coffee and listening and wondering. Tuesday begins a new era, for me for my family. Bring it on…
He is older than he looks, always has been. When he was born, not a peep, just a look that said ” Don’t F*** this one up Mom!”
And that is my A in a nutshell.
This year has been a hard one for him, for us. We moved, he missed his friends and house, he got a new family member. He got a mom who was tired from moving and baby. Yet this boy handled it with more bravery than I did most days.
Every year he teaches me the beauty of releasing him from my conception of who he should be and who he is.
This boy, this wild boy.
Who sailed from islands, arrived at my door after fighting monsters.
Who told me my heart wasn’t broken.
That his home was with me.
This year, I will do better, at helping you grow.
In your noble pursuits and your collection of wisdom.
To opening your heart, and exploring the world.
But please, please, please, let me give you a hug every now and then.
I have plans, big plans all the time. Problem: When to do said plans? And than when plans don’t happen. One very frustrated mommy. Often I toss around ideas about of what I can do, while the kids do this and visa versa but of course come life’s interruptions and I forget. So today I posted a free printable for all you others with BIG PLANS!
This printable allows for me to plan ahead for that day when I just know if I have the kids going on something, I am going to get that time.
Also, I think its totally appropriate to fill in your back up plan with these ideas: Ipad Time!, nice glass of wine and breathe, put in headphones and go for it, and a favorite around this house, wait for the minute your husband opens the door and hand those kiddos over!
Now print up a stack and get going! Just click on the image below to download. Oh, if you have other ideas let me know, I would love to hear them!
Forewarning: My printer is broke, this has never been actually printed from my computer as, well, getting the printer fixed is on the to-do list… such is life! So if you have problems printing let me know and I will fix.
My Mom. My biggest supporter besides my husband. She calls me every Saturday without fail and even though I hardly every have my phone by me at the time, I always love to know she thought of me and wanted to talk to me. She responded on Facebook with such excitement about a free download on my site, I didn’t want to tell her she probably wouldn’t use it.
So instead I searched through my computer looking for something she would like.
So here goes:
A 5×7 print of a chrysanthemum. (Just click on the image and it should start your pdf download.)
Thank you,I love you mom and have a good day!
Everyone else, feel free to download and enjoy a little color in your day!
At the end of our block there is this house. And in this house lives a husband and a wife. Not many houses in the suburbs have purple trim and faded cedar siding, built on stilts in the middle of a wetlands, but this house does. The people that live in it are just as much surprise as the house. The husband is a design professor, the wife an artist ( A little weird considering my husband and mine’s occupations) They have had 5 kids, traveled the world and you walk into their house and its like walking into their lives, their stories, their joys.
Art and I were privelaged to have a walk through of the house today and as we stood on persian rugs, mid-century steel and leather dining room chairs in a room that had cabinets made from wood he trucked half way across the country for 30 some years to put in their forever house and a fireplace that had alabaster lining it that they had gotten at a convent auction for a dollar. I realized, these are our kind of people… More importantly, these could be our doppelgangers 50 yrs. ahead of us.
Its been a bit of a culture shock moving out to the suburbs for us, and I, especially, often feel extremely isolated. I miss the sounds of people.. I hate the sounds of riding lawn mowers every saturday morning. I LONG for a sidewalk. And miss having adults to talk to at our park. But this move was the right move for our family and I will stand by that FOREVER.
That couple though, down at the end of the street, remind me that even in this world of MDF mouldings and extra-wide empty roads, there is still room for alabaster fireplaces. That Art and I will forever be people that are just a little “interesting”. Soon, very soon, the neighbors will be talking about the TWO strange house at the end of the block…
When I first started this mom thing, action figures bugged me. I mean REALLY bugged me. I could not and did not want to understand why this dear boy of mine would want to fight, kick and punch other figures all day. The thought terrified me.
5 years later, I am accepting it and a lot more gracefully than I would have in the previous years. Right now from my living room I am hearing echo of “Raph, get Donnie his weapon.” “Ckwack.” “Pshhchoot.” ” Let us take care of Bobba Fett, we’ve got him in our trap.” And I am smiling.
Because right now, I realize. Like little girls need fairies and princess who can rule on high and change anything with their words. My sweet sweet boys need heros who can work their way through any problem. Yes, violence is not the answer. However, very rarely do I see a mother freak out cause her daughter has COMMANDED her kingdom to follow her with unflagging devotion. Or a sweet girl goes on a vengeful streak with her fairy powers. Kids need these powers. The power to imagine what it might be like to take the injustices (even if self-centered) and right them. Isn’t that what we want? Kids who see things going wrong and try to fix them? So when my sons plan another trap, I try to remember that the previous words out of their mouths where ” Mikey, help we have to free these people!” I remind myself, that they are learning confidence, strategy, teamwork and perseverance.
Yes sometimes play does go bad, but for the most part, who wouldn’t love having superheros in their life?