So so so frustrated. Over the past year Art and I have tried everything within our power to live the life we want to, we were so close, days away in fact from it when it was swept out from under our feet. GONE… just like that.. than 6 months of complete uncertainty if we would even be able to stay in our house for this year… its true.We are trying real hard. Working every moment, loving our babies as much as humanly possible feeling utterly exhausted at the end of the day. But getting no where. I suppose half of it is our fault. Both Art and I feel that in this country of supposed dreams you should be able to work at a job you love and still be able to support your family…but our entire married years together this has always proved wrong. Now when I talk about living the life we love this isn’t extravagent, this is a modest property with room for both us and the kids to have a little space from each other, and time to work on the projects we love in a community that we feel supports us all. Every day we try to save a little here a little there,and always its a surprise bill, family event, or unexpected expense. I am not meaning to complain, i just think its so frustrating, that I know we are not the only family like this… but who else will actually voice their grievances? I feel like to many people are ready to blame this bill, or some company when really its only ourselves, but it should be a collective voice that sounds this out through our country, that we are not entitled but we do deserve to get what we work for. Until that happens, I am frustrated, very very frustrated….
Lately I am learning the grace of being a mother, when to say no, when to let things go. Knowing what best for our family on the whole, not for individuals and not sacrificing our family for others. I am also learning how important it is that I feel confidant of myself as an individual, how I have to take care of myself, after all two little beings rely completely on me. You read it all the time, you think you know it, you think you are doing it but it seems you keep learning that grace. The grace with which to go, its okay my kids look a mess but happy. The grace to let them wait 5 minutes for breakfast so you can finish getting yourself ready for the day. The grace with which to accept unsolicited advice with a smile and nod, biting the insides of your cheeks all the while thinking, just wait one day your kid will only want to play the bad guy, than you tell me that there is something wrong with my child. Grace… bring it on… Whats making you grow with grace lately??